Sweet Child of Mine

It seems like it was only a brief moment ago when I first heard her distinct little cry as she was ushered into this life. Minutes later, a nurse placed her warm, pink, bundled little body into my arms and I looked at her delicate face and her soft chestnut brown cockatoo mohawk for the first time and everything seemed to pause and stand still-- Chloe was my everything and my world in that instant.

With the birth of Peyton, I was a tremulous, nervous new Mother; constantly worrying and fussing and exhausted-- little able to slow down and enjoy the moment. When Chloe came along, I consciously made the effort to slow down and soak everything in and yet, time seems to be spiralling out of control even as I'm living in the moment.

I swear I blinked and one day she was sitting up, the next, crawling, and only moments later, walking. She's done everything seemingly faster-- walking, talking, figuring out how to get up on things and into things.

It is both exhausting and exciting.

I never tire from watching this remarkable little toddler, no longer a baby; make her way into this life and figure out where she fits into this world. Every day, she is experimenting with her actions and her words-- seeing what the end result will be. I feel a heavy responsibility to protect her from the world while still allowing her to explore it. It is a fine and scary line to know when you are protecting your children too much and when you need to give your children wings to fly. 

I find myself holding her and snuggling her more than ever because she is growing right before my very eyes. One day, she won't want me to kiss those velvety cheeks anymore or will push me away when I try to rub noses with her. I would say that that seems so very far away, but yesterday she was a baby and today she is on the verge of being no longer a toddler, but a little girl.

These are the times that I realize that even though she is my daughter, she is not really mine-- meaning that she is autonomous and that she will eventually make her own decisions and choices about life independent of me. I hope that she won't forget about her old mom and will still let me kiss those sweet cheeks, at least once in a while. I am reminded of the song from the children's book, 'Love You Forever' by Robert Munsch that says,

"I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."    

I'll add that I'll love both of my children even when I'm no longer here to be with them. A mother's love never dies!